I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
