We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
There's even glitter on my cock...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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