Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she was so not down for the gang bang
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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