no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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