im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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