Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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