Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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