I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
