Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
