Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You've changed since you got that strap on
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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