How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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