You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
