Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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