im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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