quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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