My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
