It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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