NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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