i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
