Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
