i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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