i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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