I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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