U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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