I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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