Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
