He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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