Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
3pm strippers are depressing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
