I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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