is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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