You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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