does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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