Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
