that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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