I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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