In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize