You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So apparently I’m into choking now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
