: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
