Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
