Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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