I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
