Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
