Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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