Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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