I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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