i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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