You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
