Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
