I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
