She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
