i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
