This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
