If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
