Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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