why didn't you poke me back
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
