Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
