he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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