That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
