today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
