She's JV to your varsity
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
