This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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