How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
