I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
