**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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