Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
