Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
