they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
