after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
