Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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