I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
