your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
