so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
