apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
