scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize