I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
