i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
