how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
