Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
