I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
