Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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