Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I supernannyed him into submission
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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