im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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