I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
