You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
