I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
