It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
