Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
