I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
