ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
