I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
