there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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