Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
