I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
