Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
