Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
