her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
