my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
