did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
