my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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